madlori:

sonatine:

onion-souls:

lordturkeyfist:

kryptonians:

lesbianbritneyspears:

perrisbueller:

donnasweettttttttt:

when people are like “the hunger games just stole the plot of battle royale” like listen everything steals from the plot of everything the lion king is just furry hamlet westworld is jurassic park but sexier lost is edgy gilligan’s island there are no original stories and the only good piece of media is jennifer’s body

Michael crichton wrote westworld and jurassic park tho so he just pirated himself

michael crichton keeps TRYING to tell y’all about the evils of capitalism impeding on the progress of science when will y’all LISTEN

Maybe he just doesn’t like theme parks

michael crichton in line for a roller coaster at six flags: fuck this

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Jesus Christ, that’s the height at which every rollercoaster and dark ride is a decapitation threat

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how am I ever supposed to leave tumblr when it takes me on journeys like this

lotad:

marisatomay:

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twitter is hell but i really hope it doesn’t actually die because this is in contention for the funniest thing i’ve ever read in my life

this post fails to show the original tweet that this was in reply to, which is not as jarring but certainly should be included:

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inanotherunivrse:

in another universe it’s just another tuesday and i am visiting my nana, who saw my 18th birthday despite her jokes and gave me a birthday card with sketches and prose i could only softly laugh at.

i’m showing her my first attempt at hemming pants in my sewing class, joking that she doesn’t have to be the only seamstress anymore and can rest her hands while looking at the trousers of an unknown family member draped over the dining room chair. we laugh, both knowing she’ll seldom relent on being a busybody helping others

in that universe i tell her i have the utmost privilege of saying i love her and will try and visit again dueing the week, but if i can’t i’ll be there on sunday for the roast, i say it so simple and thoughtlessly as if nothing could ever make a plan with her waver, before starting to leave.

i let my affection-adverse self be subjected to her bear hugs and smothering kisses before watching her lock her door behind me through the frosted glass, and think nothing of it

goodzillo-deactivated20220127:

Mushrooms are objectively the funniest thing on gods green earth like this one destroys your liver and kidneys and kills you this one makes a fine cooking oil this one introduces you to the machine elves this one grows in your shower and slowly destroys your lungs this one is delicious in a stir fry. Who else has the range